Remember to slow down before enjoying this blow. Give yourself space to breathe at this moment. This moment will soon pass, as it has passed just now. Take a breath, breathing slowly and deeply into this moment. This is much needed in preparation for life. The breath provides you with a means to slow down. It gives you patience and calms the mind-body-spirit when agitations are building up.
In the last blog, I discussed the benefits of therapy. I discussed ways play therapy is helpful to children, teens, and adults. Then I provided you with an activity to begin. I encouraged you to create your story. A story that has meaning for you. This process brings up things back into conscious memory. This process allows you the flexibility to express your talents, whatever they are, as you journey down the path towards wellness.
In this blog, I am writing about animals and the many benefits, gifts, and precious moments they provide in the healing process. I first thought it would be nice to talk about my journey with little and big creatures of the earth, hoping that some of you can relate. One of my first experiences with death was the loss of my cat, Jacko. He was an all-black, green-eyed cat. Growing up, this was the family pet, so I learned how to care for a feline animal early on. I had to feed Jacko, change the kitty litter box, and look for it outside when it was away. I recall one inspiring night when Jacko came home after a long day exploring the outdoors. He ran into the house and dropped what appeared to be a rat on the living room floor.
My ten-year-old self started screaming hysterically. My mom, not knowing what was going on, ran into the living room and attempted to calm me. Tears ran down my face; unable to control my breath, my body went into a trauma response. My mom was a little distraught and called upon my brother, who was 13 or so, to get it, the rat. He picked up the rat, attempted to tease me with it as some brothers tended to, and disposed of it outside in the trash. In my mind, I made the connection that death was ultimate. I feared more than my cat, Jacko, was injured, not understanding the meaning behind the rat. I did not let Jacko outside for many weeks until he later sneaked out on his own to never return. Weeks had gone by, and Jacko never returned home.
My mom and I put up signs in the neighborhood looking for me. I could not focus on school and cried a lot during that period—most of which I did not understand, and all the “why” questions could not be answered. I begged and begged my mom to find Jacko. So, we went to the pound. I recalled seeing a similar black cat that I wanted to be Jacko. However, this cat was aggressive and mean. Although they looked identical, and my mind tried to convince me of this, I knew it was not Jacko. On the way leaving the animal facility, my mom saw a book. So, she decided to look at the book and found a picture of Jacko.
It appeared that he was hit by a car and died. That was it for me; I lost it. I fell, crying hysterically; my mom could not control my emotional state. I was dysregulated, passionate, intense, and could not talk, walk, or move. It must have been an hour or so my mom finally was able to get me to the car. This was the most painful experience for me during that time and my first experience with a loss.
It was until I was in 10th grade that the death of Jacko started to make sense to me. My favorite teacher was the only teacher who took the time to connect with me. I felt the only teacher who understood me was patient and saw something different and unique about me had died. If you are from Long Beach, California, and went to Poly High School, you knew Ms. Dunn because she was terrific. She had an illness she did not talk much about, but she shared being sick with me. I remember many conversations with her, and one, she told me about her trip to Africa and how she had a beautiful time there. She lived her dream, and her illness made her sick, and she wanted to let go. I didn’t know about spirituality or religion at that time. I only knew I had another loss, and her death was emotionally difficult. However, I didn’t fall apart. I was able to maintain my sanity. Her funeral was beautiful, with great speeches from her loved ones, beautiful African dancers, and messages about her transition and returning home to God. For me, I needed the experience with my first pet, Jacko. He provided me space to feel what it was like to grieve and lose something precious to me. He prepared me for life and for other losses I would experience in life. My favorite teacher, Ms. Dunn, help me to bring things into perspective, grow, and know that there is much more in life than the mind can imagine.
This is only a tiny part of what pets do for kids. I hear about the losses of pets from children. Children who go into foster care lose their pets, not through death, but it is still a loss because when they are removed from the family home, they are also removed from the family pets. Courts may order visitation with parents and siblings but not with family pets. I hear about losses from pets dying through abuse, fires, and mishaps like stepping on animals on accident. This creates psychic traumas, especially if not nurtured and provided space for grieving. My mom was patient and allowed me to sit, scream, and have a temporary paralysis for hours. This is all part of the healing process.
I hear stories from adults about pets aging, getting sick, and experiencing symptoms of loneliness, abandonment, and personality changes. It brings up feelings for the owners of their issues, fears, and worries. Pets can be a valuable tool in life. These magnificent creatures tell us a story about life, forgiveness, and compassion, and a story about death.
I encourage you to slow down a little a take another breath. Breathing is a release and part of self-care. I hope that next time you see an animal, you consider the parallel process is occurring in our lives with these beautiful personalities. They have a purpose, and they have more meaning than we can fully understand. Thank you to Jacko for helping me through the grieving process.
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